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Fourteen I have endured--I know--I counted them.
Born post-war in a world of sorrow and sin
I saw FDR gone two years by the time I come in
I hope these notes will not offend
Anyone who admires those who ascend
Myself, I can’t say I like any of them
And certainly I ‘m not writing to tease ya
Just talking the United States of Amnesia
Harry S. Truman-- Harry the Haberdasher
the man who bombed Japan
prayed over it, found it good, and did it again
liked it so well he with Dean Acheson made
the National Security State, with which I am coeval
perpetual war for perpetual peace and no retrieval
Dwight Eisenhower--better known as I-like-Ike
Born in Denison, raised in Abilene
where the houses are far apart
read the Bible at his mother’s knee
two other Prexies were commanding generals before him
George Washington and Ulysses S. Grant
the one lost every battle he fought
the other drowned in a ring of whiskey vats
Though Ike’s parting words came too late
He warned us of the military-industrial state
John F. Kennedy--now Jack was a charming man,
gave brilliant talks but never did anything
except send the first troops to Viet Nam
and inspire a song by Son House
Now this I agree, [they] had a great family
They all seemed so happy and gay
From adults to a child, they all seem-to-have a smile
They must a been born that way
His never-tried and still un-punished murder shames us
But it made Lee Harvey Oswald famous.
Lyndon B. Johnson, JFK’s Vice, played the bait-and-switch politician
did good things for Civil Rights but came unhinged
with 8 million tons of bombs over Vietnam he binged
but if he failed to defoliate the country
it wasn’t because he hadn’t tried
he gave us Agent Orange the miracle herbicide
Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids did you kill today
Richard Nixon, Tricky Dick, like his friend Joe McCarthy
made public office exposing Communist Bacardi
the largest tv audience ever reached
heard Checkers the dog bark at his master’s speech
For Dick, ‘72 should have been a shoo-in
McGovern was giving draft dodgers "amnesty, abortion and acid"
Now Dickie was not Adam the first in history
to bite the apple of greed, tempted and deceived
But at Watergate just for spite,
The devil made him take a bite
And that's where Dickie Met his Waterloo
Gerald Ford, the football president, Mr. Nice Guy,
came from Omaha where the Huskers are king
played the game with the Michigan Wolverines
with Nixon out of the way
presided over the worst economy in four decades
the only Eagle Scout to have made the Presidency
throughout his life he attended Michigan games
LBJ said Ford was so dumb he couldn’t fart and chew gum
multi-tasking was not his el-e-ment
he’d played too much football without a hel-e-ment
Jimmy Carter--shot himself in the foot daily, the peanut farmer
pardoned all the draft dodgers when he shoulda known better
his ratings have improved since he left office
96 years old now and retired the past forty
he is the oldest living president
all agree he’s done a better job out of office
now that he’s grown worty
Ronald Reagan--the Empire of Evil, the teflon Gipper
he gypped the frying pan of all the shit that should stick
throughout his film career his mother answered the fan mail
he did 400 training films for the Air Force, including
cockpit simulations for B-29 crews scheduled to bomb Japan.
as the host of General Electric Theater, a series of weekly dramas.
He toured GE war plants 16 weeks a year,
and sometimes demanded that he give 14 talks per day
include one prophetically called “A Turkey for President”
He got actors black-listed for being thought pink
(Tho here I’m reminded if I can tell you what I think
Imitating the great communicator’s anecdotal style:
When they asked Woody Guthrie whether he was pink
He replied, “I don’t know about pink
but I been in the red all my life.”)
Then Dutch hosted and performed on Death Valley Days
Opposed food stamps and declared
Medicare would spell the end of free American ways.
It would be the last push.
His Vice when he ran in ‘80 was George the Elder Bush
George H. W. Bush the last cold warrior, Papa Bush
former director of the CIA, usually called Bush Senior or Bush 41
to distinguish him from his eldest son.
He presided over the invasion of Panama doing things his way
where they captured America’s favorite drug king Noriega
and he got us into the Gulf War killing Iraquis
who were keeping us away from our oil in Kuwait
One of his sons Jeb Bush became governor of Florida
and saved the presidency for Dubya
when he came up short on the vote
Don’t think Big Bush was any man’s fool
after slaying the the Iraquis he supported prayer in schools
With China after the massacre in Tiananmen Square
it was business as usual, a ballgame with no umpire
ushering in the New World Order,
new naming the old American Empire
Bill Clinton, known as Slick Willie, was the first black president
Bubba couldn’t keep his pants zipped up.
Which should not have counted against him.
In Europe politicians pride themselves on sexual prowess
But not in the old Christ-haunted United States of Amnesia.
After all, scripture does not tell us that Jesus ever ejaculated.
Bubba did good things for poor folks and had a budget surplus,
though they just about impeached his ass for Monica Lewinsky.
His step father was a bum and abused Willie on whiskey.
On the same side of the ledger, he is husband to Hillary.
Bubba announced that, if Hillary won,
voters would be getting two presidents "for the price of one."
George W. Bush, Little Bush, Dubyah the Dumb,
No poet can hope to match the man’s delirium,
so here come the quotations:
Rarely is the question asked is our children learning?
Will the highways of the Internet become more few?
They misunderestimate me. I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation finds hope,
where our wings take dream.
Our nation must come together to unite.
If we blew each other up, the world would be safe.
We’re making the right decisions
to bring the solution to an end.
You can’t take the high horse and then claim the low road
I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers
for myself, but for predecessors as well
They misunderestimated me, this issue
doesn’t seem to resignate with the people.
I think we agree, the past is done with entire.
Make the pie higher! Make the pie higher!
No-Drama Obama, Dump Trump, and Coffee Joe Biden--
Avatars too fresh in mind to deserve comment.
The only thing I have not noted
Is that in all my life I’ve never voted.
On chaos I’ll quote Alexander Pope:
“Thy hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain fall
And universal darkness covers all.”
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